"God - an experience"

Paul Coutinho, a Jesuit(who rocks my world) from India via St. Louis, in his book - "Just as You Are" has this to say about God.

"God is not a religion, not a theology, not a belief -- God is an experience that takes you into the fullness of life. All experience is discovering the fullness of God, discovering the original face of the Divine, beyond all the titles and images. Through experience, I find my own identity in the Divine and see the Divine presence manifested in all of life." (chapter 1)

I came to know of Coutinho, while I was living in California last year. I heard him speak and was instantly drawn to his inclusive nature and his comfort in being himself, a creature and vessel where the Divine is ever-present. He speaks from his experience, born and raised to an Indian family that is Catholic. He is a gentle, humorous and intelligent guy who shares candidly about his experiences, especially of God. Can I do that? Can we do that together?

The first time I heard someone talk like this I was starry eyed and uninterested. I thought prayer was sharing with my friends about life, saying the Rosary, and telling God what I needed. And if I was in a bind... pleading with God.

My first experience of Silent Meditation scared me. I have lived in a very active, loud world. Silence was unknown, unlearned, unavailable! As I entered into this experience I knew life would not be the same, it was the experience that I longed for. I was a wild and rambunctious 23 year old seeking { }. I was sitting with two nuns with whom I was living in community. They taught me to pray and how to pray together especially with my experience.

For our communal prayer (among a few other things), we would sit in silence, listening to the Silence, allowing ourselves to breathe, and focusing with a prayer word or mantra, "be" "Love" "Jesus" "trust." Each time my mind wondered I was instructed to slowly guide it back with my simple word.

If you have ever tried this, me telling you that it worked perfectly the first time would be a lie! And a big one. I was a mess. My mind for those 10 minutes (shortened from 20 for my sake) was wild. I chose the word Jesus... (wanting to be pious because I lived with nuns) At one point I was repeating it so fast in my mind that I think I stopped breathing. I certainly missed the mark. But!

They were my first steps. Slowly entering into my prayer. Slowly saying yes to the Divine that resides within me, like a toddler who knows the word "no" so well and even when she means yes, says no.

I pray that we come to know ourselves, not in the eyes of our ego, but in the harmony, in the Divine, in the Love, that resides right here, right inside of me and all around me. Right inside of you and all around you.